I could not, for the life of me, figure out how to capture the scene I saw when I stepped onto the balcony. An endless view of crystal blue ocean, sandy beach, and rocky islands lay beyond the stretch of palms and huts below me. I'd seen scenes like this before. Why was I struggling to make sense of this one?
I had spent the past hour in the jungle blindfolded--erratically breathing, screaming, and jumping around--so maybe, on the other side of this madness, what I saw couldn't be captured. Sarah, collector of surreal images and strange experiences. Perhaps this is what my life has accumulated to. Perhaps I have finally arrived at some sort of singularity where everything breaks down to uncapturable images and moments. There could be worse existences.
Since first coming to this small, tropical island in the Gulf of Thailand, I told myself I'd return to stay longer than a week or two. And now 4 visits and 3 years later, I'm here to stay a while longer. I have a small hut on a hillside in the jungle not far from the beach--where dinosaur sized plants and bugs overtake everything, where the tropical heat surges up from the earth and the gentle sea breeze feel like magic.
Settling in. Letting go. One foot in front of the other until I collapse in my hammock each evening. Warm nights. Starry skies. The vibrant greens and blues. It's too easy to un-ground and forget about everything. I tether myself with daily practices and press my feet into the sandy earth. Still so much to explore here and mysteries to uncover. Breath. Trust. Be.
Not too many nights ago a fierce and intense storm blew through. Thunder and lightning and crashing waves. The normally calm Gulf now alive with electric energy. The power went out at the seaside cafe where I was writing, and for a moment, I was engulfed in darkness and the sound of nature, an unstoppable force. And I thought: this is where I belong--here and now, in this time and place. There is no where else I want to be. There is no where else I'm meant to be.
Tropical paradise where creativity flows and I find everything I need. It feels like I've reached some sort of pinnacle of existence, but I know that it's not. Only fleeting moments that rise and fall. When I left the US January 2016, I told myself I would ride this wave as long as I could. There seems to be no end in sight. When it's time to stop for a bit, I stop. When it's time to move on again, I do. I feel guided in all my decisions. There is no wrong way to exist or live or be.
How do you ground into those high moments where everything becomes surreal and inexplicable? How do you ride the waves of your life?
I had spent the past hour in the jungle blindfolded--erratically breathing, screaming, and jumping around--so maybe, on the other side of this madness, what I saw couldn't be captured. Sarah, collector of surreal images and strange experiences. Perhaps this is what my life has accumulated to. Perhaps I have finally arrived at some sort of singularity where everything breaks down to uncapturable images and moments. There could be worse existences.
Since first coming to this small, tropical island in the Gulf of Thailand, I told myself I'd return to stay longer than a week or two. And now 4 visits and 3 years later, I'm here to stay a while longer. I have a small hut on a hillside in the jungle not far from the beach--where dinosaur sized plants and bugs overtake everything, where the tropical heat surges up from the earth and the gentle sea breeze feel like magic.
Settling in. Letting go. One foot in front of the other until I collapse in my hammock each evening. Warm nights. Starry skies. The vibrant greens and blues. It's too easy to un-ground and forget about everything. I tether myself with daily practices and press my feet into the sandy earth. Still so much to explore here and mysteries to uncover. Breath. Trust. Be.
Not too many nights ago a fierce and intense storm blew through. Thunder and lightning and crashing waves. The normally calm Gulf now alive with electric energy. The power went out at the seaside cafe where I was writing, and for a moment, I was engulfed in darkness and the sound of nature, an unstoppable force. And I thought: this is where I belong--here and now, in this time and place. There is no where else I want to be. There is no where else I'm meant to be.
Tropical paradise where creativity flows and I find everything I need. It feels like I've reached some sort of pinnacle of existence, but I know that it's not. Only fleeting moments that rise and fall. When I left the US January 2016, I told myself I would ride this wave as long as I could. There seems to be no end in sight. When it's time to stop for a bit, I stop. When it's time to move on again, I do. I feel guided in all my decisions. There is no wrong way to exist or live or be.
How do you ground into those high moments where everything becomes surreal and inexplicable? How do you ride the waves of your life?
i love that i could share that moment of the storm at orion! what a moment that was :)
ReplyDeleteI know! That was wild and unreal. I can't remember the last time I experience a storm like that. Thanks for reading and commenting! So glad I'm meeting more writing friends here 😃
ReplyDeleteAh I could remember everything you just described! How do I miss those SE Asia storms. There is truly nothing like them in the world. I feel as though I've become colour blind living in Europe, although the historical buildings/cathedrals make up for it, but oh do I miss colours...Love reading your blog and so happy you're still following your light :)
ReplyDeleteLuckily, you are a writer (and photographer) and can share your experiences with us. There is always something new going on in the Land of Smiles, and you are finding another one. We miss you up here, but we enjoy your adventure.
ReplyDeleteCailin! So good to hear from you! Thank you 😃 I love it here! I feel like somewhere Southeast Asia will always be my home base ❤️ Do you remember...you are the one who planted the idea in my head to come to Thailand to teach, haha! Way back before I left Santa Cruz all I had planned was India, Nepal, and Indonesia. And you said...come to Thailand to teach! And I did. And I'm still here 😂
ReplyDeleteI will be visiting my first European country this fall! I'll be in Greece (Athens, Delphi, Santorini) the first 2 weeks of October!!! I'm so excited...and nervous 😃
Stuart! Thank you 😃 I miss you all too! I'm hoping to make my way back up to Chiang Mai for all or part of November. I want to be around for Loy Krathong and Nanowrimo. Let me know if you make it down this way too!
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