I stood in the doorway and gazed around the class--memorizing the way they look and move and bounce around the room. I opened my mouth to shout at him--my favorite--but the words got caught in my throat. Two steps forward, three back, then I turned and ran. I couldn't get out of the building fast enough. I barely made it out the front gate before the flood of tears came. I sat on my scooter sobbing.
What have I done?
What have I done?
Through all the sadness is a clarity--a crystal box--in which I hold all the reasons I'm doing this. Many of them are deeply personal. What started as the perfect job began to wear and diminish into something I simply did not align with. Over the course of this year, my eyes have been opened to an ingrained system that I could no longer show up to each day and turn a blind eye.
Let it go. Let it go. Let it go, I told myself most days. It got me through the first year, and at some point during the second year, I hit a wall. At what point do we stop telling ourselves to let it go and take action? As a foreigner in a government school system, the only action I could take was to walk away.
Though I did fulfill my contract, and I left on good terms with promises of visiting over the summer before I leave Chiang Mai, none of this was easy. In fact, it was probably the hardest decision I've ever had to make, and I've made some pretty tough life decisions in my time. But with it comes a lightness that I haven't felt since I first left the US. A lightness one only feels when you are in alignment with your core values, integrity, love, and purpose.
During the ceremony on the last day of school, the students line up and the teachers bless them. Say something, he leaned in and whispered after I tied the white thread around his wrist and sprinkled the water on his head. Was I suppose to say something? Baa na rak dok mei, I said because what else is there to say? And for the first time, he actually laughed when I said it to him. Famous last words.
This past week I finally got around to watching one of the videos my yoga teacher back in California sent to our online group. She explained that the 40 day sadhana we are currently doing involves working with both Jupiter and Saturn energy--the energy of expansion and contraction which will help us align with our soul's calling. It just so happened that in midst of this kriya was when my job came to an end, and I'm now stepping into the world again with the time and space to focus on expanding creatively--which will take discipline (the expansion and contraction working together)!
This powerful synchronicity can not go un-noticed or un-documented. This is where expansion begins--taking note of these synchronicities, recognizing what you are not aligned with, sitting in stillness long enough to know that the next step doesn't need to be in the perfect direction, but the right direction.
Navigating a new tarot deck, a new home, new adventures, and a new way of working and approaching the world. I'm excited to share it with you all.
Have you ever had to make a tough decision to keep yourself aligned with your core values and everything you believe? Tell me your stories.
What have I done?
What have I done?
Through all the sadness is a clarity--a crystal box--in which I hold all the reasons I'm doing this. Many of them are deeply personal. What started as the perfect job began to wear and diminish into something I simply did not align with. Over the course of this year, my eyes have been opened to an ingrained system that I could no longer show up to each day and turn a blind eye.
Let it go. Let it go. Let it go, I told myself most days. It got me through the first year, and at some point during the second year, I hit a wall. At what point do we stop telling ourselves to let it go and take action? As a foreigner in a government school system, the only action I could take was to walk away.
Though I did fulfill my contract, and I left on good terms with promises of visiting over the summer before I leave Chiang Mai, none of this was easy. In fact, it was probably the hardest decision I've ever had to make, and I've made some pretty tough life decisions in my time. But with it comes a lightness that I haven't felt since I first left the US. A lightness one only feels when you are in alignment with your core values, integrity, love, and purpose.
During the ceremony on the last day of school, the students line up and the teachers bless them. Say something, he leaned in and whispered after I tied the white thread around his wrist and sprinkled the water on his head. Was I suppose to say something? Baa na rak dok mei, I said because what else is there to say? And for the first time, he actually laughed when I said it to him. Famous last words.
This past week I finally got around to watching one of the videos my yoga teacher back in California sent to our online group. She explained that the 40 day sadhana we are currently doing involves working with both Jupiter and Saturn energy--the energy of expansion and contraction which will help us align with our soul's calling. It just so happened that in midst of this kriya was when my job came to an end, and I'm now stepping into the world again with the time and space to focus on expanding creatively--which will take discipline (the expansion and contraction working together)!
This powerful synchronicity can not go un-noticed or un-documented. This is where expansion begins--taking note of these synchronicities, recognizing what you are not aligned with, sitting in stillness long enough to know that the next step doesn't need to be in the perfect direction, but the right direction.
Navigating a new tarot deck, a new home, new adventures, and a new way of working and approaching the world. I'm excited to share it with you all.
Have you ever had to make a tough decision to keep yourself aligned with your core values and everything you believe? Tell me your stories.
