Friday, December 9, 2016

Tarot, Thai Islands, and the Inevitable Process of Transformation

I'm now in my 12th month of travel, of following my curiosity, and instead of reveling in this milestone to round out my year, I can't stop dwelling on what that Tarot card reader told me....wait. I'm having deja vu. Didn't this happen at the end of my first month of travel just before I left Amritapuri?

It did!

Only this time it wasn't an old French man with a weathered traditional deck giving me a reading at an Indian ashram. This time my reading was done by a most amazing magical faerie from Portland, Oregon also named Sarah. Her deck was crisp and new and full of angels and magical images. And we weren't in an Indian ashram--we were sitting on the floor of a small art gallery in Chiang Mai, Thailand. I had just led my first write-in at our weekly writing meetings at the gallery, and my brain was overloaded with too many questions and doubts and too much anxiety (hello old friend).

The overall reading was incredible--deep and intimate and positive. I've been guided down the right roads. I'm headed in the right direction. But...there is that inevitable but. My final card of the spread was one that showed disappointment and missed opportunities--ones that I will only recognize because of emotions that I'll experience from them--small ones, insignificant ones, afterthoughts in the larger scope of where my life is heading (according to my future outcome). Ones that I will need to experience in order for me to continue down this path toward that desired future outcome.

I have a feeling you'll experience them very soon, she told me. I'm thinking even as soon as your Krabi trip.

What did I experience on that trip? What did I feel?

The days went by at lightening speed, but I was able to slow down time in my mind and linger in certain moments--boating around the Phi Phi Islands mesmerized at the rock formations jutting out of the Andaman Sea, imagining all the magic on all those seemingly deserted beaches with what looked to be make shift shacks clinging to cliff edges, gazing out at the majestic rock walls of Maya Bay, watching my roommate climb out onto our hotel window ledge to smoke a cigarette then attempt to pry the window back open from the outside...

The only thing that even came close to a disappointment or missed opportunity was the realization that the trip went by much too quickly and I'd have to return and linger longer in those places that I was only able to glimpse.

And in the weeks thereafter?

Ah, my friends. There it is. Something I was only able to truly feel the week after I returned to the city. As much as I love living here and working here, there are hints all around me that I need to be careful not to fall into a complacent existence and to trust that inner knowing that this isn't where I need to be long. But I will cherish my life here and everyone I come to know as long as it lasts.

My willingness to be open to the Universe showing me what it's needed to show me has made me aware that small disappointments aren't really disappointments at all, but noticeable guide posts redirecting me to where I'm meant to be.

How do you view disappointments in your life--as missed opportunities and regrets or as a guide posts redirecting you toward where you're meant to be? 


GoatBree said...

Beautiful post! Disappointments have been a complex thing in my own life. I think feeling regret can be just as important as moving past disappointment. Regret can point out matters left unresolved, or things which are more important than expected. But always, always, always is it important to keep learning and growing :)

Sarah Seymour said...

Yes, always! And thank you for reading and leaving a comment :D

Sarah said...

Lovely read. Definitely see disappointments as guide posts, since just dwelling in regret will get you nowhere. I always try to think, "what can I learn from this?" to help in my quest to find a place to settle down. I'm currently living in Canary Islands, Spain and life is almost perfect. But are we always trying to look for reasons to be unhappy? Sometimes it seems that way! I think simply being happy is alien to a lot of people. When I realised yesterday that I'm actually happy, I felt a little lightheaded!

Sarah Seymour said...

Yes, exactly! I have a friend who always says "something good will come from this." But, "what can I learn from this?" is a great one too! When I was talking with my Tarot friend about how my trip and week had gone, this exact question came up :) And how when we are open to this view point is when we start to see the guide posts and signs :)

Are you familiar with A Course in Miracles or Gabby Bernstein? A lot of her books focus on A Course in Miracles which are all about how miracles begin to occur when we shift our perspective about our beliefs, the things that happen to us, and the world around us in general. Good stuff! :)

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