Between Earth and Sky

My last few days here at Amritapuri I've spent a good chunk of time dwelling on what that Tarot reader told me.

His tarot deck was weathered with use and in French. He could have told me anything, and I would have believed it as long as it came from a weathered deck and someone who looked a bit like an aging wizard with a thick unidentifiable accent. 

I'm dwelling on the fact he told me that I cannot leave without an Amma mantra. He said it with such fervor it frightened me. You must! He had said. He said it would ground me, and I must be grounded in order to succeed in my creative endeavors. If it weren't for gravity, you'd just float away, he had said and twirled this pointer finger into the air. He told me I needed to ground in order to channel the massive amounts of creative energy swirling inside of me--all bound up and stuck at my 2nd chakra, the seat of creativity. And according to him, the only way he saw fit for me to ground and unblock my chakra was to request a mantra from Amma during darshan.

I attempted.

I hadn't gotten a blessing from her since my first visit to her ashram in San Ramon, California over the summer. I had forgotten how incredibly hectic the whole process is. When it's finally your turn to get embraced by this larger than life woman, you're literally fighting against people shoving letters, pictures, and cell phones in her face, talking to her non-stop. She's constantly surrounded by people and chaos, and you're just shoved into the middle of it. I get the feeling that if you can speak her native language, Malayalam, she can be quite friendly and chatty.

After my embrace, I looked at her and clearly said, Amma mantra, please. At that exact moment, a man behind me shoved something in her face, and a big hand grabbed my shoulder and yanked me back from her. I started to walk off the stage when another hand grabbed my arm and a voice whispered, you can sit over here, don't be alarmed. Alarmed? What's going on? I asked. She does this sometimes, the woman told me. Amma had abruptly gotten up and left the stage, and everyone was treating it like a strange and mystical experience. My theory? Bathroom break. They weren't letting anyone off the stage until she returned so I was stuck. Mantra-less and stuck and at that point, really really hungry.

She did return a few moments later, but by then I had time to start dwelling on the fact this tarot reader told me I must! and I had failed at that thing that I must!

The next day at her talk on the beach she focused on how all spiritual paths and religions are accepted here at Amritapuri, and that is why no one is required to participate in the ongoing schedule of rituals and practices that take place here--only participate if it resonates with you.

The truth is I don't need an Amma mantra. I'm not a devotee. I already have a spiritual path and practice full of powerful tools that has worked for me in incredible, miraculous ways for many, many years, lifetimes. It's a matter of re-focusing it now that I'm out in the world roaming around and exploring. I think the tarot guy was spot on and gave me a lot to think about, but I'm going with my intuition on how to proceed from here.

How do you ground yourself when your floating along in life somewhere between earth and sky? Tell me about a time you chose your intuition over blind faith. How did it turn out for you?

Signing off from Amritapuri, Kerala. Kerala means Land of the Coconut Palms, by the way. And indeed it is! Tomorrow night I will be in a whole new town, in a whole new state, in a whole new world.

Invocation

There is a prayer we say here at the ashram:

Aum Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu 

I first heard it back in Santa Cruz when one of my yoga teachers at Divinitree would end all of her classes with it. It means: May all beings from all worlds be happy and free.

But what exactly does it mean to be happy and free? Though the original source of the mantra is unknown, it's taken to mean unattached from those things that cause suffering (pretty much everything) and free from the cycle of birth and death.

I have met some of the happiest people here at Amritapuri--completely high on the energy of the place. I have also seen some of the most miserable people in my entire life. Ashram life is not the easiest, but you're always well taken care of. You can come here and never ever need to leave. Everything is here for you--shelter, food, work, friends, a library, a hospital, the beach, little shops, all kinds of classes. A simple, but full existence.

They say this isn't the kind of ashram that will whip discipline into you like many ashrams will. (There is absolutely nothing you're required to do here). They say it's a purification ashram--the type of place you come to face all those things that will help you progress on your spiritual path. They say you don't have to seek these things out--just being here, you will ultimately face them. People flock here not only to live in the presence of a living spiritual master, but to face those dark parts of themselves (fear, anger, jealously, impatience, all things ego). It's like moving to a very small town full of people looking for trouble.

Everyday I hear people complain and talk about the lessons they learned that day--dealing with their seva assignment, never finding solitude or privacy, the store not being open when they need something, the slow internet, the constant unwavering noise from construction and birds and ongoing activities in the village across the river, etc, etc.

What's so interesting is that it's exactly like life outside of the ashram. The only difference is that people pay attention to the lessons in their circumstances and take it to heart while they're here. Being close to Amma magnifies it for them. But is it making them happy? Is it making them free?

Not too long ago, a woman in my seva group exclaimed, I miss Spain! I miss my solitude in nature, my fluffy bed, my fluffy sofa, my fluffy cat! She shook her head and gazed longingly out over the backwaters from the rooftop where we work. How long are you here? I asked. She shrugged and told me she had been here for a month and that her visa was for 6 months. I sure hope I'm not here that long, she said. Does she not realize she could leave anytime? What's keeping her here and miserable? Is she waiting around for some sort of spiritual awakening from being miserable?

I really wanted to tell her it doesn't work like that. But I didn't. We are all on different paths aiming for the same goal. We all want to be happy and free. We just have different ways of approaching it.

What does happy and free mean to you? Are you happy and free? If your answer is no, what would it take for you to be happy and free? And if your answer is yes, what is it that makes you happy and free?

While you're thinking about it, here's my invocation to you:

Aum lokah samastah sukhino bhavantu

Miracles in Chaos

Life here at the ashram is rhythmic and chaotic. It is magical and mundane. There are visitors and renunciates here with stories of miracles and blessings. There are people here with backpacks just passing through. Each person along his path sucked into the mystery that is Amritapuri.

I eavesdrop on conversations in the gardens, at mealtimes, and on the beach. Amma works on you, one woman whispers to another. She teaches you those lessons you have not yet learned. You learn to face those things you can't or won't. She will challenge you. Amma saved my life, I heard another woman say.

I came here intending to stay 3 months, a man in my seva group tells me. That was 16 years ago. Why did you stay? I asked. Because Amma told me to, he said. Why did you come here? I asked a young girl from Paris as we were sitting down to dinner. Because of all the stories, she said. I just wanted to feel that kind of energy--the first time I met Amma in Paris I fell to my knees and wept so I knew I needed to come here.

Have I been challenged in the week or so I've been here? Have I felt the energy? Have I experienced any miracles?

Each day I practice yoga as the sun rises over the backwaters. Each evening I sit on the beach and watch the sunset over the Arabian Sea. I have no where to be but here. I have nothing to do but write and be with myself. The challenge is wrapping my mind around the fact that I have no where to be but here, that I have nothing to do but write and be with myself.

The energy I feel is the rush of stress pouring out of my body and mind. I had no idea how uptight and burnt out I was until I suddenly wasn't.

The miracle is that I'm here. The miracle is that everything I prayed for, that everything I put intention into over the past 2 years has manifested. I believe that we co-create our lives. I believe that we can tap into the infinite and make anything possible. I know because I've done it so many times before. (That string of miracles that's gotten me here). Keeping that equilibrium of always moving toward the resolve while releasing it. The difference this time is that I was so aware of it as it was happening.

Being able to manifest something so specific in an otherwise seemingly chaotic whirl of existence is a miracle, and to string together those miracles found in the chaos to create meaning is also itself a miracle. Or as Carl Sagan once said, "If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe."

From ashram talk to cosmology all in a single post.

What miracles have manifested in your life? When you reflect on where you've been, can you see the string of miracles?

Curiosity Driven Life

On my first night here at Amritapuri, not even yet checked-in, the most curious thing happened.

I was standing in front of the main temple chatting with a woman from Australia who had also just arrived when a small, strange, elderly Indian woman walked up behind me and latched onto my arm and began pulling me. And when I say strange I mean strange in the sense she had one lazy eye and a spark of insanity in the other. I could have easily been sketched out by the whole scene, but I chose not to be. I didn't resist. I let curiosity take over. I let her pull me up the stairs and into the temple. We didn't stop there.

She kept going up and up and up--five flights of stairs and down a couple winding hallways before she let go of me and disappeared behind a door. On the way up, I noticed the temple was much more than a temple. It was full of shops, a library, and offices for anything you could possibly need including astrology, massage, and Ayurvedic counseling. I probably would have eventually found these places on my own over time, but it was kind of magical to be swept away and inadvertently shown by a woman who possibly may have been a character in the Dark Crystal.

Curiosity has led me to lots of fascinating (and not so fascinating) places in my life. It's opened me up to possibilities I would have never known existed if I hadn't kept following. It's also led me to some really dark places where I learned some of life's toughest lessons. Curiosity can bend us and break us open. It can heal us and liberate us. Without curiosity, how would we learn and grow? How could life possibly enchant us if we don't let curiosity in?

I have always led a curiosity driven life, and I've let curiosity lead me here. Where has curiosity led you? Where would you like it to lead you?